six things i've learned in 2013

i feel like i’ve learned a lot of life lessons the hard way during this past year.

sure, a lot of great things have happened over the last twelve months.  i graduated college, spent a month in asia, moved into my first apartment, and started my first big girl job. but a lot of things have fucked up too, and most of those things were my own doing.  it’s been an eventful year to say the least, and i’d like to think i’m entering 2014 just a little bit wiser because of it.

so, a few tidbits of life wisdom acquired in 2013:

1. friendships are hard.  i’ve gained friends, lost friends, became reacquainted with old friends, drifted from good friends, and drifted in and out of social circles.  i’m twenty-one and still haven’t met that magical best friend every girl wishes for.  i try to be a good friend as much as possible, but sometimes things don’t work out. friendship requires a real effort from both parties.  i admit, sometimes i could do a bit more, so in 2014 i will focus my efforts on making and maintaining some genuine friendships in my life.

2. don’t let yourself get homesick on a month-long backpacking trip on the other side of the world.  okay, this seems like a very specific life lesson, but the general idea of it applies to a lot of life. don’t let thoughts of the past, or other places, get in the way of enjoying what’s happening here and now.  i spent nights in thailand being sad and missing my friends and family back home.  what kind of crazy person does that?  enjoy, embrace, and appreciate the now.  before you know it, you’re back home dreaming of thai beaches, and wishing you’d enjoyed it more.

3. don’t rush into a rebound relationship.  duh.  it’s shitty for the other person, it’s shitty for you, and you look mentally unstable when you publicly change your facebook relationship status back to single after that three-week “relationship”.  trust me on this one.

4.  life’s kinda lame after college.  you don’t see your friends everyday, you don’t get the fun “back to school” september feeling, and if you don’t have a full-time job after graduation, you don’t have anything to fill your time with.  and then once you do get a job, you can’t just make the executive decision to just stay home from work because you feel icky some day.  if you’re still in college, APPRECIATE YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, the real world sucks.  if you’re done and already in the real world…shitty, i guess.

5, don’t move in with your best friend.  you hear this advice all the time, and yet everyone thinks “oh, no, we won’t be like that!  it’ll be totally chill, i’ll love living with my bestie!”  no, you won’t.  spending a lot of time with someone, and living with someone, are completely different creatures.  little things will bug you, grudges will form, and eventually the friendship will deteriorate.  (i’m not saying myself and my soon-to-be-ex-roommate aren’t friends anymore, i’m just saying we were A LOT closer friends before we did the whole living together thing.)

6. never ever ever take your parents for granted. this really should be another “duh”. my parents and i have always been close, but i never really appreciated how great they are until i moved out of their house.  they’ve saved my ass a lot in the past year.  and i’ve become even better friends with both of them.  nobody’s gonna be there for you like your parents are, so spend that quality time with them!  say those “i love you”s!  

2013 was a year of growing up, and i hope i’m just a little bit more prepared for life after it.  unfortunately, just when you start to think life’s going your way, a few obstacles pop up, so hopefully my newfound wisdom will help me through the next few months.  here’s hoping 2014 will be a happier year!

Dear Santa, Love Grownup Emma

Dear Santa:

A whole year since I’ve written, and I hardly feel like the same girl. I don’t know where I stand with regards to naughty vs. nice, but I hope you’re willing to make a few oversights. I’ve tried to be nice, Santa, but growing up is hard. And I truly believe karma has already punished me for most of the naughty things I’ve done.

On the off chance that I am on the nice list, I have a few requests. The childish part of me wants to ask for lovely material things. But as I learned on my birthday (when my only gift was a microwave oven), holidays just aren’t as frivolous when you’re an adult.

Santa, my first wish is for my parents to accept that I need my independence. I know they miss me, and the feeling is mutual sometimes, but there are only so many times I can tell them “No, I’m not moving back in with you,” without getting annoyed. I love my parents; they’re two of my closest friends, honestly, but we only have that relationship because of the space that’s come with me moving out. If I lived with them, the arguments would start back up, and no one would be happy. Please, just let them understand this.

For my second request, I’ll give you options: good health, or health insurance. Santa, I know I’m terribly blessed to have a steady source of income from a job I enjoy. But the fact that it doesn’t provide me with health insurance, and independent coverage is so expensive, really blows. Right now I’m good; I can handle the cost of my birth control prescription. But please, please, don’t bring any new medical needs to me this year.

I’d like to pretend this one’s a selfless Christmas wish, but in the long run it benefits me as well. But I’d like to ask for a few presents on behalf of the family that lives above me. Books, puzzles, a model train set; any kind of quiet activities. They’re lovely people, but good lord, are they noisy. Please can you find them a hobby that doesn’t involve crashing around furniture and teaching their pet elephants to dance?

Finally, I’d like a gift set of sorts. Patience, empathy, love, and trust; I could do well to restock my supplies of each. I try to be a good person, but some days I feel my stores of patience running low. Give me this little boost, and I’ll do my best to make it last the whole year, and beyond. It’s the gift that keeps on going.

So, Santa, if you haven’t written me off as naughty, and torn my letter into shreds, this is my Grownup Christmas List.  I know it’s asking a lot, but I’ll take whatever you can give me. I’ll work harder on being nice next year.

Thanks; safe travels!

-emma

nostalgia

its amazing, the stealth with which nostalgia sneaks up and attacks.

it gives something as innocent as a song, or a photo, or even just the mention of a name the power to swoop in and steal your happy, carefree contentment.

nothing is ever as good as it used to be.
you miss the boy that treated you like crap until he left you completely.
you miss the friends that drifted in and out of your life at their convenience.
you miss the crumby minimum-wage job, and living with your parents, and struggling through community college.

a single reminder of that era of your life, and there goes your saturday night.
now youre in for the night, reminiscing and wishing for the past
looking through every photo, reading every journal entry, lingering in every memory.
futile, immature wishes that you could go back, change this, enjoy that a bit more.
why couldn’t life have stayed so lovely?

i’ve spent minutes, hours, days being sad about how things used to be, and how much they’ve changed.
everything seemed so good back then, what happened? 

of course, no one clings to the bad memories.
looking back it’s all peachy keen.

maybe i should think about that, next time a stray photo triggers thoughts of “better times”.
maybe they weren’t better times, maybe i was just as sad then as i am now.
maybe im just as happy now as i was then, when things were “so much better”. 

yeah, maybe things were great two years ago, but that was two years ago.
enjoy the great things as they come, because they happen everyday, and if you don’t enjoy them now you never will.
just try to be happy with your now, whatever that is.