I miss having a boyfriend.
I miss inside jokes and tickle fights and silly nicknames. I miss goodnight phone calls and hugs that feel safe and falling asleep being the little spoon. I miss cute date nights, and I miss having someone I can waste away my weekends with.
I shouldn't be so needy; I should be strong and independent and happy on my own. But I'm not, I'm lonely. Yes, I have amazing friends, who I am so grateful for. But it's not the same, at all. I've never been one to form super-close bonds with friends. Even my closest friends don't know the inner workings of my brain; I've always saved that part of me for relationships. The better, happier, more interesting version of me is always reserved for a boyfriend, as awful and ant-feminist as that sounds. My mom has even commented before, I'm a happier, nicer person when I'm in a relationship.
I feel like Charlotte Yorke, perplexed and asking, "I've been dating since I was fifteen; where is he?!". At twenty-one I know I'm probably too young to worry about not having met "the one" yet, but I can't help but feel a bit frustrated. I would LOVE to meet the one at this age. Honestly, I cannot wait to meet the man I'll spend the rest of my life with; the sooner we get to start our love story, the better.
Even if I'm not meant to meet the love of my life for another few years, I'd be more than happy with a temporary stand in. Just someone to spend time with, make me laugh, and make each other happy.
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