mental health secrets

Despite all the hate that Cosmo magazine receives for its trashy articles and ridiculous sex tips, I have to admit that it's always been a favorite guilty pleasure of mine. Sure, some things they suggest are a bit out there, but in recent years Cosmo has started publishing more articles on things like health, careers, and world issues. After reading through the September issue, however, I'm a little dismayed at a a piece of “advice” they printed.

In a career-focused article about how to “Stay Cool When Life's a Mess”, one issue discussed was what to do if you have an eating disorder or addiction and need to get treatment for it:

“Don't tell your boss. If your workplace offers an anonymous wellness program, use it. If you need to go into treatment, say that you're going on vacation.”

As someone who has recently had to come clean to her boss about having an eating disorder and needing some time off to get professional help, my first thought was how ridiculous this suggestion was. How much time does the average workplace allow as vacation time? As a relatively new employee, I'm guessing two weeks would be the longest period of time I'd be given in one chunk. And that's not gonna cut it for “fixing” the issue.

I've been dealing with an eating disorder for over ten years, and I'm about three months into the recovery journey. Psychologists, dietitians, and group therapy are all part of the process, but so is time. I still have a long way to go before I'll consider myself all better. Two weeks is definitely not enough to take care of an eating disorder, and to suggest that you could pass off entering treatment as a vacation is laughable.

After rolling my eyes at the impracticality of Cosmo's advice, I gave it more thought, and actually became really annoyed. In past Cosmo articles, and in today's society in general, it's been a goal to raise awareness and stop the stereotypes about mental illness. But by saying that an eating disorder is something to keep hidden, they're really just perpetuating the stigma attached to it. Mental illness is real, and it's definitely not a thing to be ashamed, or secretive, of.

I'll get criticized for using the cancer comparison, but the facts of the matter are there: both cancers and eating disorders can kill. But how people perceive them, and treat the two issues, are totally different and unfair. A person diagnosed with cancer and having to undergo chemo would never be told to lie to their boss about needing to go get help. In just about all situations, it would be completely understood that they needed medical help, so they'd be off work in order to receive it. So why is it okay to tell an anorexic to cover up their health concerns with the ruse of “going on vacation”? In both cases, medical treatment is necessary, and there really shouldn't be a reason to keep secrets or disguise the issue.

In my experience, I've been open and honest with everyone I know about having an eating disorder and finally seeking treatment for it. And so far I've been met with nothing but compassion and encouragement to get better. Even at my job, it's been no issue to get time off in order to attend appointments and therapy, and everyone knows what's going on. So I'm very disappointed in Cosmo's advice to do the opposite and keep quiet.

What do you think; should it be the norm to keep mental illness under wraps in the workplace?

6 Positive Changes I'll Be Making in 2014

To everyone else, I preach about the importance of fighting for happiness, and how you have to choose to be happy, and be positive, and how "life's what you make it" and all that nonsense.
When it comes to my own life though, far too often I'm a Negative Nellie, focusing on what's going wrong in my life, and feeling sorry for myself, and not doing much of anything to try and make things better.

I'm at a place right now, however, where I think life is just telling me to make some changes.  I've had some shitty, sad times lately, and the need and the opportunity to make changes and make myself happier is here.

Roommates, work, friends, family, romance, health, money, you name it.  I've had things go wrong and things stress me out in every aspect of my life over the past few months.  But I'm going to make positive changes, and I think I can sort out most of my issues.  Here are some of my generalized, applies-to-everyone, try-to-be-happier pieces of life advice.

1.  Spend time with your family.  Some of my happiest days in the past year have been spent playing board games and laughing my head off with my mama and aunties.  Even hanging out with my dad, who I normally argue with constantly, can put me in a better mood some days.  Spending time with people who love you no matter what is essential to being happy.  Of course,  some days you won't get along.  Some days they'll drive you crazy.  But do what you can to ignore those annoying habits, and not spring into defense mode when they say something questionable.  Life's easier (and happier) if you accept your family as the weird, annoying, overprotective, whatever they may be and just enjoy the time you have together.

2.  Reach out to your friends, and make an effort.  Way too often I get into slumps of feeling sorry for myself and thinking I don't have any friends.  Swallow your pride and be the one to make contact!  Reach out to friends you haven't seen in ages!  More often than not they're more than happy to hear from you.  Friendship works both ways, and you can't sit around waiting for people to call you.  It might seem scary, but unless you want to sit around and be lonely and sad, sometimes you have to be brave and make the first phonecall/text/email/visit!

3.  Take care of yourself!  It's too easy to let your health slip.  Eat enough, and eat the right kinds of food.  Get some exercise once in a while too!  And get enough sleep, even if you think you're fine to run on five hours of sleep a night.  I was slackin' on alllll these things, and I felt like crap, physically and emotionally.  It's really not hard to make a few changes, and it's worth it.  You only get one body in this lifetime, take care of it!

4.  Be responsible with your money, but don't stress about it.  I've always been a notorious saver.  Every penny would be accounted for, and either spent on necessary bills or put into a savings account.  Sure, it's important to be smart with your money, but you can't become too stingy about it!  My mama always says she's never seen a bank truck following a hearse.  Which basically means you can't take your money with you when you're dead. So enjoy it a bit while you're alive!  Don't feel bad about spending  a lil on a special treat for yourself; you work hard for your money (I'm assuming) and deserve to spend it on things that make you happy.

5.  Don't spend your time pining over someone who doesn't love you or doesn't treat you right.  They're not going to suddenly change how they act, and they're probably not going to suddenly fall head over heels for you.  Wishing they would is a waste of your time, and will just make you sad.  Someone else will love you the way you should be loved, but it won't happen until you move on from that asshole!

6.  Notice the good things.  When something nice happens in your day, take a minute to appreciate it!  Too often I've ignore the little happy things and dwell on crappy things that ultimately don't matter.  Even something as trivial as "oh! some of the snow melted out of my driveway!" made me a lot happier as I got into my car this morning.  Stuff like that.  Just take a second, and be happy about the happy things.

Don't Move in With Your Best Friend (Believe Me on This One.)

All the advice and warnings that say you shouldn't move in with your best friend?

Yeah, you should listen to them.

You are not the exception, your friendship is not stronger than all the others, you are not going to stay best friends, and things ARE going to change.

I wish someone had drilled this into my head about four months ago.

My first apartment, with my best friend, how could life get any better?  We were both so excited about it.  We never fight, we like the same things, and we usually agree on most things.  We were sure that living together would be great; we weren't like all those petty girls we'd heard about moving in together and then growing to hate each other.

The first month or so was great, after we got over the fear of pooping around each other (I don't think she was ever fully comfortable when I was around).  We had late night chats, breakfast dates, and teamwork-cleaned the kitchen after having all our friends over.  Life was fun.

Little by little though, things changed.  Big time.  We hung out less frequently, and when we did it seemed like more of an obligation than true friendship time.  The little quirks about each other we had first ignored now seemed like huge annoyances.  Grudges built up like crazy.  Not to mention the fact that housework was no longer a "teamwork" thing..it was more like I was playing housewife.  Which is even less fun when winter comes and that job includes clearing a driveway for both of our cars.

To be fair, I'm sure I have terrible habits, and I know at times I'm not the best possible roommate.  But I do what I can, and I really don't think I'm that hard to live with.

Eventually I came to a breaking point, and knew I needed to move out.  Almost as soon as I brought it up to my roommate, she was gone.  Vanished.  All her shit, gone.  And all I could wonder was, am I that terrible to live with?

Actually, I'm still wondering it.  This is a right-now event in my life, and I feel awful about it.  I don't know what to expect, friendship-wise.  I have enough things to worry about, between normal life and now trying to find a new apartment, but on top of that I'm pretty sure I lost my best friend.

I don't have a wide array of friends as it is, so losing any of them would be pretty hard.  But this was my very best friend, the one I could always count on when I needed a best friend cuppa tea, or just a chat, or even a good silly laugh.  I don't know if any of that will be happening anymore.  It feels like it won't.  It feels like a breakup.

In the future, I'll be living alone or with people I barely know.  (Until I'm eventually in love and stuff, but that's a whole nother issue.)  There's too much at risk when you live with your best friend.  I wish I had believed all the people who warned me.