Don't Move in With Your Best Friend (Believe Me on This One.)

All the advice and warnings that say you shouldn't move in with your best friend?

Yeah, you should listen to them.

You are not the exception, your friendship is not stronger than all the others, you are not going to stay best friends, and things ARE going to change.

I wish someone had drilled this into my head about four months ago.

My first apartment, with my best friend, how could life get any better?  We were both so excited about it.  We never fight, we like the same things, and we usually agree on most things.  We were sure that living together would be great; we weren't like all those petty girls we'd heard about moving in together and then growing to hate each other.

The first month or so was great, after we got over the fear of pooping around each other (I don't think she was ever fully comfortable when I was around).  We had late night chats, breakfast dates, and teamwork-cleaned the kitchen after having all our friends over.  Life was fun.

Little by little though, things changed.  Big time.  We hung out less frequently, and when we did it seemed like more of an obligation than true friendship time.  The little quirks about each other we had first ignored now seemed like huge annoyances.  Grudges built up like crazy.  Not to mention the fact that housework was no longer a "teamwork" thing..it was more like I was playing housewife.  Which is even less fun when winter comes and that job includes clearing a driveway for both of our cars.

To be fair, I'm sure I have terrible habits, and I know at times I'm not the best possible roommate.  But I do what I can, and I really don't think I'm that hard to live with.

Eventually I came to a breaking point, and knew I needed to move out.  Almost as soon as I brought it up to my roommate, she was gone.  Vanished.  All her shit, gone.  And all I could wonder was, am I that terrible to live with?

Actually, I'm still wondering it.  This is a right-now event in my life, and I feel awful about it.  I don't know what to expect, friendship-wise.  I have enough things to worry about, between normal life and now trying to find a new apartment, but on top of that I'm pretty sure I lost my best friend.

I don't have a wide array of friends as it is, so losing any of them would be pretty hard.  But this was my very best friend, the one I could always count on when I needed a best friend cuppa tea, or just a chat, or even a good silly laugh.  I don't know if any of that will be happening anymore.  It feels like it won't.  It feels like a breakup.

In the future, I'll be living alone or with people I barely know.  (Until I'm eventually in love and stuff, but that's a whole nother issue.)  There's too much at risk when you live with your best friend.  I wish I had believed all the people who warned me.

six things i've learned in 2013

i feel like i’ve learned a lot of life lessons the hard way during this past year.

sure, a lot of great things have happened over the last twelve months.  i graduated college, spent a month in asia, moved into my first apartment, and started my first big girl job. but a lot of things have fucked up too, and most of those things were my own doing.  it’s been an eventful year to say the least, and i’d like to think i’m entering 2014 just a little bit wiser because of it.

so, a few tidbits of life wisdom acquired in 2013:

1. friendships are hard.  i’ve gained friends, lost friends, became reacquainted with old friends, drifted from good friends, and drifted in and out of social circles.  i’m twenty-one and still haven’t met that magical best friend every girl wishes for.  i try to be a good friend as much as possible, but sometimes things don’t work out. friendship requires a real effort from both parties.  i admit, sometimes i could do a bit more, so in 2014 i will focus my efforts on making and maintaining some genuine friendships in my life.

2. don’t let yourself get homesick on a month-long backpacking trip on the other side of the world.  okay, this seems like a very specific life lesson, but the general idea of it applies to a lot of life. don’t let thoughts of the past, or other places, get in the way of enjoying what’s happening here and now.  i spent nights in thailand being sad and missing my friends and family back home.  what kind of crazy person does that?  enjoy, embrace, and appreciate the now.  before you know it, you’re back home dreaming of thai beaches, and wishing you’d enjoyed it more.

3. don’t rush into a rebound relationship.  duh.  it’s shitty for the other person, it’s shitty for you, and you look mentally unstable when you publicly change your facebook relationship status back to single after that three-week “relationship”.  trust me on this one.

4.  life’s kinda lame after college.  you don’t see your friends everyday, you don’t get the fun “back to school” september feeling, and if you don’t have a full-time job after graduation, you don’t have anything to fill your time with.  and then once you do get a job, you can’t just make the executive decision to just stay home from work because you feel icky some day.  if you’re still in college, APPRECIATE YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, the real world sucks.  if you’re done and already in the real world…shitty, i guess.

5, don’t move in with your best friend.  you hear this advice all the time, and yet everyone thinks “oh, no, we won’t be like that!  it’ll be totally chill, i’ll love living with my bestie!”  no, you won’t.  spending a lot of time with someone, and living with someone, are completely different creatures.  little things will bug you, grudges will form, and eventually the friendship will deteriorate.  (i’m not saying myself and my soon-to-be-ex-roommate aren’t friends anymore, i’m just saying we were A LOT closer friends before we did the whole living together thing.)

6. never ever ever take your parents for granted. this really should be another “duh”. my parents and i have always been close, but i never really appreciated how great they are until i moved out of their house.  they’ve saved my ass a lot in the past year.  and i’ve become even better friends with both of them.  nobody’s gonna be there for you like your parents are, so spend that quality time with them!  say those “i love you”s!  

2013 was a year of growing up, and i hope i’m just a little bit more prepared for life after it.  unfortunately, just when you start to think life’s going your way, a few obstacles pop up, so hopefully my newfound wisdom will help me through the next few months.  here’s hoping 2014 will be a happier year!