On Realizing Your Parents Aren't Immortal

I can't remember much about my grandfather on my mom's side.  I remember he ate a lot of oranges, and I remember that he'd always sit on the floor with me and draw pictures.  I remember he had an orange hunting hat, and he liked Neil Diamond.  And that's all I can tell you about him.

But last night, I cried for him.  Next week marks thirteen years since he died, but I'd never really known about how he died.  I was eight at the time, so I guess I never really thought about it.  Last night, driving home from gramma's house, mom told me about it.

It was a stormy winter night, the night before it started.  Mom's lifelong best friend was headed home from work, but the roads were dangerous, and she decided to stay the night at my grandparents house.  The storm got worse and worse, but they spent a cozy night indoors, drinking tea and telling stories and looking at old photo albums.

Sometime during the night, my pop had a brain aneurism.  An ambulance rushed to get he and my grandma to the hospital, where they did everything they could to save him.  Something went wrong though, and the drugs put him into a coma.  In order to keep him alive, my grandfather was hooked up to tubes and needles and monitors.  My mom rushed to the hospital as soon as she found out, and her siblings flew home from across Canada to be with their family.

Ten days passed, and no change.  Mom, Grandma, and the brother and sisters stayed at his bedside around the clock.  Everyone was exhausted, mentally and physically.  At this point, the doctors told them what they already had guessed.  Pop wasn't going to get better, and if he did, he wouldn't be the man they knew; he'd essentially be a vegetable.

During his life, my grandfather had let everyone know that he'd never want to be kept alive artificially; it wouldn't be a true life, and he wouldn't want it.  The family all agreed with his decision, and as heartbreaking as it was, they chose to pull the plug.

When the time came, the room was deadly silent.  Everyone held their breath, wondering when the many monitors would announce the end.  They didn't though, not that night or all through the next day.  The next night, after the most stressful, anxious 24 hours of her life, my mom was still in the hospital room, with her youngest sister and their aunt.

Mom and her aunt stood by the window, looking up at the sky.  One star shone bright, and they both found themselves making a wish.  The same wish, both just wishing for this nightmare to be over.

A few minutes later, he died.

I never knew how my grandfather died.  I never knew what a long, agonizing time it was.  I never knew my mom was in the room with him when he died.

I think that's what pushed my sadness over the edge.  Being there, watching a parent die, is the worst thing I can possibly imagine.  It made me realize, my parents aren't immortal.  Someday, hopefully years and years away, when even I am terribly old, my parents will die.

I don't know what I'll do; I can't picture my life without them.  But it's inevitable, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.

The only thing you can do, is cherish the time you do have with them.  It makes me glad that my grandfather spent the last conscious night of his life how he did, with people he cared about, reminiscing on happy times.

I know sometimes I'll still be awful to them, but I want to spend more time like that with my parents.  They're amazing people, and I just realized I won't have them forever.  Better appreciate them as much as I can while I can.

Seven Reasons Why Moving Back Into Your Parents' House Isn't the Worst Thing in the World

I just have to accept it, and try to make the best of this.

After four months of lovely freedom in my own lil apartment, I have to give it up and move back in with my parents.  Roommate problems, and money problems, and other assorted grownup problems suck, but giving up my independence and living under my parents' roof sucks harder.

But, that's the way things have to be, for a while at least.  So I'd better just accept it and look at the positive parts of this shitty situation.

1. FREE LIVING!  Honestly, this is the one I have to keep reminding myself of.  Without rent, and power bills, and grocery bills, I'm going to have a surplus of dollars.  I haven't had any fun with my money since I moved out, so it'll be a nice change to be able to enjoy what I've earned, instead of having to budget every penny in order to afford my life.

2. Warmth!  Literally.  My apartment is always cold.  Going home to mom and dads' and just stepping on their warm floor is always nice.  So living in a climate that's not antarctic is going to be a nice change.

3.  NO shoveling!  Between having a roommate that doesn't help out, a huge driveway, and living in the land of the ice and snow, this winter has been brutal.  I've gained muscle mass because of all the snow clearing I've done.  My parents, however, live right near the ocean in a windy place, so they hardly ever need to clear the driveway.  And if they do, my good ol' daddy-o can take care of it with his snowblower.

4.  Less driving!  My friends live near my parents, my work is near my parents, my parents are right there.  All the places I go are super close, which means I'll spend a whole lot less time (and money!!!) getting around in my normal life.

5.  Quiet!  My parents are lovely quiet people.  My landlord, who lives above me, is not.  No more hearing thumping around furniture in the middle of the night, or crazy children running around allllll the time.  Plus, I don't have to worry about "waking the baby upstairs" if I have my music on too loud.  Win win.

6.  Cable!  Because of being poor, I have no idea what's going on in any current TV shows, or in the news, or anything to do with celeb gossip.  I'm more out of the loop than I would have expected!  Soooon I'll be back in the know.

7.  My mama!  I know, at times I'm going to be going crazy from such close contact with both my parents.  But for the most part I like having my mom around.  We hang out and talk a lot, so being able to just go upstairs and see what she's doing will be good again.

It's going to be a weird adjustment for a while, but as long as I stay positive, I probably won't go crazy. Here it goes, family living 2.0!

six things i've learned in 2013

i feel like i’ve learned a lot of life lessons the hard way during this past year.

sure, a lot of great things have happened over the last twelve months.  i graduated college, spent a month in asia, moved into my first apartment, and started my first big girl job. but a lot of things have fucked up too, and most of those things were my own doing.  it’s been an eventful year to say the least, and i’d like to think i’m entering 2014 just a little bit wiser because of it.

so, a few tidbits of life wisdom acquired in 2013:

1. friendships are hard.  i’ve gained friends, lost friends, became reacquainted with old friends, drifted from good friends, and drifted in and out of social circles.  i’m twenty-one and still haven’t met that magical best friend every girl wishes for.  i try to be a good friend as much as possible, but sometimes things don’t work out. friendship requires a real effort from both parties.  i admit, sometimes i could do a bit more, so in 2014 i will focus my efforts on making and maintaining some genuine friendships in my life.

2. don’t let yourself get homesick on a month-long backpacking trip on the other side of the world.  okay, this seems like a very specific life lesson, but the general idea of it applies to a lot of life. don’t let thoughts of the past, or other places, get in the way of enjoying what’s happening here and now.  i spent nights in thailand being sad and missing my friends and family back home.  what kind of crazy person does that?  enjoy, embrace, and appreciate the now.  before you know it, you’re back home dreaming of thai beaches, and wishing you’d enjoyed it more.

3. don’t rush into a rebound relationship.  duh.  it’s shitty for the other person, it’s shitty for you, and you look mentally unstable when you publicly change your facebook relationship status back to single after that three-week “relationship”.  trust me on this one.

4.  life’s kinda lame after college.  you don’t see your friends everyday, you don’t get the fun “back to school” september feeling, and if you don’t have a full-time job after graduation, you don’t have anything to fill your time with.  and then once you do get a job, you can’t just make the executive decision to just stay home from work because you feel icky some day.  if you’re still in college, APPRECIATE YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, the real world sucks.  if you’re done and already in the real world…shitty, i guess.

5, don’t move in with your best friend.  you hear this advice all the time, and yet everyone thinks “oh, no, we won’t be like that!  it’ll be totally chill, i’ll love living with my bestie!”  no, you won’t.  spending a lot of time with someone, and living with someone, are completely different creatures.  little things will bug you, grudges will form, and eventually the friendship will deteriorate.  (i’m not saying myself and my soon-to-be-ex-roommate aren’t friends anymore, i’m just saying we were A LOT closer friends before we did the whole living together thing.)

6. never ever ever take your parents for granted. this really should be another “duh”. my parents and i have always been close, but i never really appreciated how great they are until i moved out of their house.  they’ve saved my ass a lot in the past year.  and i’ve become even better friends with both of them.  nobody’s gonna be there for you like your parents are, so spend that quality time with them!  say those “i love you”s!  

2013 was a year of growing up, and i hope i’m just a little bit more prepared for life after it.  unfortunately, just when you start to think life’s going your way, a few obstacles pop up, so hopefully my newfound wisdom will help me through the next few months.  here’s hoping 2014 will be a happier year!

Dear Santa, Love Grownup Emma

Dear Santa:

A whole year since I’ve written, and I hardly feel like the same girl. I don’t know where I stand with regards to naughty vs. nice, but I hope you’re willing to make a few oversights. I’ve tried to be nice, Santa, but growing up is hard. And I truly believe karma has already punished me for most of the naughty things I’ve done.

On the off chance that I am on the nice list, I have a few requests. The childish part of me wants to ask for lovely material things. But as I learned on my birthday (when my only gift was a microwave oven), holidays just aren’t as frivolous when you’re an adult.

Santa, my first wish is for my parents to accept that I need my independence. I know they miss me, and the feeling is mutual sometimes, but there are only so many times I can tell them “No, I’m not moving back in with you,” without getting annoyed. I love my parents; they’re two of my closest friends, honestly, but we only have that relationship because of the space that’s come with me moving out. If I lived with them, the arguments would start back up, and no one would be happy. Please, just let them understand this.

For my second request, I’ll give you options: good health, or health insurance. Santa, I know I’m terribly blessed to have a steady source of income from a job I enjoy. But the fact that it doesn’t provide me with health insurance, and independent coverage is so expensive, really blows. Right now I’m good; I can handle the cost of my birth control prescription. But please, please, don’t bring any new medical needs to me this year.

I’d like to pretend this one’s a selfless Christmas wish, but in the long run it benefits me as well. But I’d like to ask for a few presents on behalf of the family that lives above me. Books, puzzles, a model train set; any kind of quiet activities. They’re lovely people, but good lord, are they noisy. Please can you find them a hobby that doesn’t involve crashing around furniture and teaching their pet elephants to dance?

Finally, I’d like a gift set of sorts. Patience, empathy, love, and trust; I could do well to restock my supplies of each. I try to be a good person, but some days I feel my stores of patience running low. Give me this little boost, and I’ll do my best to make it last the whole year, and beyond. It’s the gift that keeps on going.

So, Santa, if you haven’t written me off as naughty, and torn my letter into shreds, this is my Grownup Christmas List.  I know it’s asking a lot, but I’ll take whatever you can give me. I’ll work harder on being nice next year.

Thanks; safe travels!

-emma