I Wish I Couldn't Remember You

I wish I couldn't remember you.
I wish I could forget the first time you kissed me, and the way our bodies fit so well together, and the way you always called me emmaree.

Looking back at the details, no, you weren't a phenomenal boyfriend.  You forgot things and sucked at Valentines Day and never called when you said you would, but maybe that's not what's important in love.  The feelings you gave me overruled all your shortcomings, and to this day I believe we had something special.

It's been eighteen months since you kissed me goodbye, but I didn't know that would be the last kiss.  If I had, I know I would have tried to change things, even if I know my efforts would have been wasted.  I know we're not meant to be, but sometimes I still wish things had happened differently, that maybe we could have found a way to stay together.

Eighteen months, and no one I've met has sparked even a fraction of the feelings I had for you.  I'm starting to worry no one will.  What if you were my one big love in my life, and we ruined it?  I can't help but wonder.

I know you don't, though.  You've moved on, and I really, honestly, want to be happy for you.  But I can't help but be a little sad and jealous, and I hate that I feel like that.  I hate that sometimes I still have to force myself not to click your name on Chat, whether to ask advice, tell you I miss you, or just have a chat.

More than my boyfriend, you were my best friend.  And I haven't found anyone to take over either of those titles.  I miss you, and I wish I could tell you all this, but I know it wouldn't change a thing.